Someone hurts you deeply, feelings are left raw and bleeding, the pain is incessant, emotions are fraught and twisted, and understanding is absent. The head and the heart are chasms apart and logic has gone walkabout. What else on earth can cause such angst and disharmony? It’s a conundrum.
We hear forgive and forget statements “Bury the hatchet”, “Let’s let bygones be bygones” and a multitude of others. We have many ways of describing forgiveness—yet so few strategies in accomplishing it. Feelings and science is the key. Researchers, therapists, religious leaders, psychologists, psychiatrists, professionally written books on the subject-matter and mental-health professionals have found that we can forgive and forget—it’s healthier. Unforgiveness can cause mental distress, if the injustice grows to vengeance, hostility, bitterness, anger or worse, high blood pressure even heart attacks kick in. Forgiving is not always easy and there are those who might wish to ambush the process but confronting and talking about the problems with injured parties are integral. Some therapy may be needed. Some pride might have to be swallowed. Be the first to make that first move—reach out. Humans are social creatures, and forgiveness can help us repair valuable bonds with friends and relatives. Forgiveness or unforgiveness is an individual journey. Don’t let it consume you.
Jesus said, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15
What would Jesus do? Didn’t friends and enemies both betray Jesus? What did he recommend about this delicate business of forgiveness? Every hurt is unique and individual. Some leave a tiny scratch and some leave a scar with the imprint of the devil’s pitchfork. Some hurts are mere insults that bite with a teaspoon of sarcasm and some are cutting your juggler vein while the knife is busy twisting slowly in your left ventricle.
What would Jesus do? Would he wait? They say that time heals all wounds. Maybe -Maybe not. Could it depend on the injury, who inflicted it, and whether it is forgivable? Do circumstances bear on the decision to forgive and forget? Can we forgive but not forget? Can we forget but not forgive? Casper is a friendly ghost until you realize he’s a ghost that can still haunt.
What would Jesus do? When he was hurt repeatedly, did he forgive, did he forget? The answer is as you expected – yes! Some hurts were from ignorance, some from malice, and some were intended to maim and kill. Let’s realize one thing, Jesus forgave and forgot when it was the right thing to do. And it was always the right thing to do. Your case will be special and unique, and the right thing will be different for each person. People from past wars meet their former enemies decades later and shake hands. People from a concentration camp meet their former tormentors and will not shake hands. Can you see the issue from both perspectives? Maybe it depends on how deep and personal it is.
What would Jesus do? Jesus would always take the higher ground. Jesus went a step further: “You know what you have been taught, An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I tell you not to try to get even with a person who has wronged you. When someone slaps your fight cheek, turn and let that person slap your other cheek. If someone sues you for your shirt, give up your coat as well. If a soldier forces you to carry his pack one mile, carry it two miles. When people ask you for something, give it to them. When they want to borrow money, lend it to them.” Matthew 5:38-42.
What would Jesus do? He would do the right thing!
What do most people do? I would hope they follow Jesus.
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